| I am a mess.
I am not happy at all. Not at all. I am depressed because I am such a fucking loser. I don't get women, yet I bend over backwards for them. Last night, I stared at the top of my bunk bed and thought of all the good times Tiff and I had. I cried. I had a good hearty laugh. I was looking forward to seeing her on her birthday, and maybe even give her a kiss...like I used to kiss her. I admit it, I still have feelings for her...but it means nothing now. Nothing. I lost my chance because I was a complete idiot. I got no chance with Sara. Nothing at all. Tonight, I stood around listening about her wild explotations with other guys, and how much fun she was having. All at the same time I am trying to be a friend, laughing when I am supposed to, trying to be a friend...when in fact I am thinking: I wish I could just get one kiss, and these guys who mean nothing to her get more. It hurts, it really, really hurts. I don't think she realizes this. In the other side, I was just a road block to what she really wanted. I was just the guy between what she really wanted. She says it meant a lot to her, but I don't believe her. I don't believe what anyone says anymore. I don't. I am unhappy, and I am trying to find a medium for happiness. I am trying to find someone that can get help me find that happiness. She used to be that one person, even though we made each other sad at times. I am an idiot for letting her go, for letting her go for something that wasn't there. When in fact, something was there...I just refused to see it. I am a mess. I still love her. I always will. No one (I think) will compare to her. I called her cell phone once just to hear her voice. I call her, so I can still be part of her life. I was Sara to call, but she never calls, or she forgets to. I lied to her, and said that I was waiting for two hours at Purple Moon, when In fact...I was waiting for three. I am pathetic.
Dave
Matthews Band + Jason Mraz
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